Making mum friends isn’t easy

Making mum friends can be tough because the only thing you might have in common are kids of similar age and all you talk about is your babies but maybe that’s all you need for a while?

A few of my friends with kids moved away from the area so I was starting to feel a little lonely during the long days of pram walks, feeding, nappy changes and baby talk. I started swimming classes and made a friend. After the class we’d walk around, get a coffee, get our little ones to nap and then sit down and chat some more. We’d compare our schedules, when to start weaning and a little bit about ourselves as well but mainly we touched on everything post-birth, almost like our previous lives didn’t even exist and we were consumed by broken sleep and dirty nappies. All was well till she started passionately talking about how she’s sleep training her three-month old. The good old cry-it-out and her comment was “well, she has to learn!” Learn what exactly? I never said anything because it’s none of my business but we were no longer on the same page because I have a softer and more gentle approach to everything that concerns my daughter.

Then she stopped coming to the swimming classes because all of a sudden her little girl would scream every time she was lifted into water. Maybe she got Water Wobbles earlier than our daughter. And that friendship just fizzled out. It was what I needed for a while but I accepted that longevity isn’t guaranteed with some mum friends.

I downloaded an app for mums to meet like-minded mothers in my area. I waved at loads but no one ever wanted to meet up in real life. Sometimes I’d see them in the park or playground and think “you didn’t wave back!” 😀 .

I needed a new scene. I went to some baby music classes. Most of the women there were nannies not the kids’ mums and they were a very tight-knit community not accepting new members. Fine. There are so many nannies in this area, I will write about this more in another blog. Then I went to a classical music concert for the little ones (yeah, that’s a thing! 🙂 ) and started chatting to a mum sitting next to me, trying to keep her girl still on her lap like me. Turned out her daughter was only three weeks older than mine, she seemed witty and fun and I liked her (her, not the baby. Fine, the baby seemed ok too). So we exchanged numbers and we’ve been hanging out since! Now our girls are 20/21 months old and have play dates while we compare notes on sleep, teething, things to do in the area, stay at home mum life etc.

Some mum friendships do last, so there’s hope!

What I did discover yet again is that I’m terrible at small talk, always have been. All those networking events for work or pleasure in the past – I never enjoyed them and besides, I think it’s in my genes – Estonians don’t do small talk, we prefer (uncomfortable) silence.

But it’s wise to brush up on your small talk skills and have some pick-up lines at the ready, such as:

• I like her/his shoes/boots! Where did you get these from?
• How old is she/he? Wow, very tall for her/his age.
• Do you live close by? and so on

Being an introvert I’m used to my own company and now I find that I don’t necessarily need an adult conversation every day. I’m content with my own thoughts and talking to my daughter even though she cannot reciprocate yet, which means I’m pretty much talking to myself. We have a cat and I talk to him too, completely normal. 🙄

Yes, making mum friends is like dating and having babies the same age sometimes just isn’t enough to keep you together. You can experience rejection – no more texts to meet up again and that’s fine. You kind of have to put yourself out there because motherhood can be lonely unless you’re blessed with an amazing support network.